Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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