8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Shame - the story of my life.
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