I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
