I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
