So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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