Your tits are I can't wait for
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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