Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
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Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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