this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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