I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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