it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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