i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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