Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
