After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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