I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
