Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
