in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
