bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
