Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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