I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
