Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
