Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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