i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
