The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
