Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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