I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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