before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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