we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
