My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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