People in love make me want to vomit
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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