Nicole vs. Life
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize