Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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