I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
