When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
