She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
