Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
