sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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