the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
