My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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