So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
