So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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