i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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