Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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