i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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