whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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