Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
