I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
