The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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