How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize