u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
