R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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