youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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