I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
