i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
