i already hear my dad disowning me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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