the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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