So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
