This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
