Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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