but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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