He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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